Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
