do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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