I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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