I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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