Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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