You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
