you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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