spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
