She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
