I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize