Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
