How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
