Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
