drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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