The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
