oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
