T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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