so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
