Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
