Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize