oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
