I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
