Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
