It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
