I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
