You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
