That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
