I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
is that a dick in a sweater?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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