I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
