I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
