Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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