We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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