So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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