Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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