You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
