so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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