I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Hippo gnu deer
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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