I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
