i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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