so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
