Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
