I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
