worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
