mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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