ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
