trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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