i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
