I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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