forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
