She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Drunk walkin through police station. America
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
