was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
