Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize