Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
