you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
