I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
