it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
