I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
