nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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