He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
