So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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