U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You have to summon your inner elephant
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
