You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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