So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize