fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
