Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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