you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
