Your mouth is God's brothel.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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