I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You're like the curious george of whores
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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