I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
