Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize