how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
